Ersatz Pizza

Tonight was one of those nights when the temperature is lurking somewhere between 45 and 50 degrees and it's just barely starting to get dark at 7:00 and all I wanted was pizza. And not a single pizza-ish ingredient was there to be found.
There was no tomato sauce, no tomatoes that could be turned into sauce, no veggies of any kind besides some ancient romaine lettuce leaves becoming one slimy mass in the back of the crisper, and the only cheese in the whole house was this:

 

There was, however, plenty of flour, yeast, and water to make a reasonable amount of dough. There were three non-moldy onions in the pantry. And there were some greasy, withered mushrooms that were going to be fed to the pet snail, but that he would simply have to do without. 

They were sauteed in some olive oil until golden brown. The onions were thinly sliced and cooked over low heat in a marvelous amount of butter with a little sugar added at the end, until they were nice and sweet and sexy.

A sauce was concocted involving more butter, wine, and the aforementioned cheese-like slices. It would have made a lovely fondue.

The dough was stretched onto a greased pizza pan. The sauce was spread evenly over it and topped with the mushrooms, onions, and a bit of thyme and pepper. I drizzled a bit of truffle oil over the pie as well, because even though I don't have a single tomato in my refrigerator, I somehow have a bottle of truffle oil.

It was baked at 400 degrees F. until everything was golden brown and bubbly.

And, folks, it was DA BOMB.

Potato Salad

Yellow or red potatoes have the perfect waxy texture for this picnic delicacy. I used russets because I needed to get rid of them. (Hopefully) they didn't do too much damage.

INGREDIENTS

 2 1/2 lbs. potatoes

8 eggs

1 cup green onions, sliced (include the light green and white bottoms)

salt

DRESSING

 1 1/2 cups mayonaise

1/2 cup Ranch dressing

4 Tbsp. dill

1 tsp. garlic salt

1-2 tsp. caraway seeds (optional)

Put the potatoes in a large pot and add enough cold water to cover by 1 inch.

Add a large dash of salt and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to a simmer and cook until a knife glides easily into the thickest part of the spud. This should take about 25-25 minutes depending on the size of the potatoes. Drain and cool to room temperature. When the potatoes are cool, peel them and cut them into 1" chunks. 

In the meantime, place the eggs into a pot and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil, then immediately remove from the heat, cover, and let rest for precisely 12 minutes. Dunk into cold water until cool. Peel and chop thickly. Mix together with the potatoes and green onions.

To make the dressing, mix all the dressing ingredients together in a medium-sized bowl. Gently and evenly stir into the potato mixture. Let sit overnight to develop flavors.

Original Recipe Can be found in A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg

Pot Stickers

  

This was my first attempt at making one of my favorite foods. Apart from using chopped pork and ketchup, I hope I didn't butcher these too badly. For the record, they taste amazing.

INGREDIENTS

 

1 pound ground pork (or finely chopped pork, if you have time and no meat grinder)
1/2 cup diced green onions

4 tablespoons diced red bell pepper

2 eggs, beaten
2 teaspoons ketchup (blasphemy!)
1 teaspoon spicy brown mustard
3 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons light brown sugar
3 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon pepper
50-100 circular wonton wrappers
1 beaten egg, for sealing wontons 

vegetable oil, for frying
water

Combine the first 10 ingredients in a large bowl. Mix until evenly combined.

 

 

To form the potstickers, place a heaping 1/2 tsp. of pork mixture into the center of a wonton wrapper. Lightly brush edges with egg wash.

 

To seal the potstickers, fold the stuffed wrapper in half. On the side facing you, double the wrapper over onto itself every 1/2 centimeter or so and pinch to seal. Just... look it up on YouTube.

Repeat, keeping both the wanton wrappers and the finished dumplings covered with damp paper towels to keep from drying out. 

Brush a skillet with vegetable oil and heat until very hot. Place 8-10 dumplings into the pan and cook on one side for 2 minutes. Turn over and cook on the other side for 30 seconds. Pour 1/3 cup water over dumplings and cover. Cook for 1 minute and 30 seconds-2 minutes.

You can place cooked pot stickers in a warm oven while you are cooking the remaining ones to keep them warm.

Cinnamon Rolls

The ultimate culinary seduction food.

DOUGH

1 package yeast
1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup scalded milk
1/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup melted shortening
1 teaspoon salt
1 egg
3 1/2 to 4 cups flour

FILLING

3 TBSP. melted butter (reserve some for pan)
3/4 cup sugar, plus more for pan
2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
3/4 cup chopped pecans (optional)

GLAZE

4 tablespoons butter
2 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 to 6 tablespoons hot water

Dissolve the yeast in the warm water and set aside. Mix together the milk, sugar, shortening, salt, and egg together in a large bow. Add 2 cups flour and mix until all lumps are gone. Stir in the yeast mixture. 

Mix in remaining flour to create a workable, smooth dough. Knead for 6 minutes or until silky and beautiful. Place in a greased bowl and let rise until twice its size. About 1-1 1/2 hours.

Punch down gently and roll into a 15"x9" rectangle. Spread melted butter thickly and evenly all over the dough, all the way to the edges. 

Mix together the pecans, sugar, and cinnamon. Sprinkle evenly over the buttered dough.

Beginning at the 15" side, roll up the dough tightly and pinch the seam to seal. Slice into 1 1/2" thick slices. Butter a baking pan and sprinkle with the extra sugar. Place the rolls in the pan, nestled up next to each other real cozy-like. 

Let rise for 45 minutes. Bake for 30 minutes or until nicely browned. In the meantime, mix together the ingredients for the glaze. Take the rolls out of the oven and immediately spread liberally with glaze. Eat right away because they get dry and nasty in less than 2 days. 

Custard Pie

INGREDIENTS

 3 eggs

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 tsp. salt

1 tsp. vanilla extract

2 1/2 cups scalded milk (lightly cooled)

Ground Nutmeg

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit & position the oven rack in the lower third of the oven. 

Beat together the eggs, sugar, salt, and vanilla until completely smooth.

Add scalded milk and mix until smooth.

Using your favorite pie crust recipe (DO NOT USE FROZEN CRUST), evenly flute the edges in a greased pie dish.

Pour filling into crust through a strainer to remove lingering nasty egg bits. Sprinkle evenly with nutmeg.

Place a large baking pan in the oven and put the pie inside it. Carefully pour water into the pan around the pie. This keeps the custard from cracking and becoming rubbery when it is baking.

Bake for 30-45 minutes. If the crust begins to brown too fast, fold thin pieces of tin foil around the edges. When custard jiggles (not ripples) when softly moved, the pie is done. Let cool for 30 minutes before serving.

The Perfect Creamy Tomato-Basil Soup

 

Ready for winter to be over? You won't be after a taste of this soup.

INGREDIENTS

  1 onion, chopped

2 TB. butter
28 oz diced tomatoes, undrained
2 cans tomato soup
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
lots of basil
1 1/2 cups milk
8 oz cream cheese, cut into little cubes

Saute the onion in the butter until soft. Add the tomatoes, soup, paprika, garlic powder, basil, and milk.  

Bring to a boil, then let simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

  Add the cream cheese and stir until melted. Serve piping hot with a few slices of buttered light rye toast.

Bacon Jam

It's sweet. It's salty. It's spicy. It can go on ANYTHING. It's bacon jam and you know you want it...

INGREDIENTS

1 lb. fine-quality applewood smoked bacon

1 Tbsp. butter

1 onion, chopped

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 Tbsp. corn syrup

4 garlic cloves, minced

2 tsp. paprika

1 tsp. chilli powder

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. ground ginger

1/4 tsp. cloves

1 1/2 tsp. yellow mustard

2/3 cup strong coffee

1/3 cup balsamic vinegar

1 shot bourbon

1 Tbsp. maple syrup

2 Tbsp. hot sauce

salt & pepper to taste

  Fry the bacon until crispy. Drain the bacon on paper towels & remove all but 2 Tbsp. of the fat from the pan. 

Add butter to the pan & scrape all the dark crispy bits from the bottom as it melts. Saute the onion in the fat with the brown sugar on med-low heat for 15 minutes.

Add corn syrup & all the spices. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add the mustard, coffee, vinegar, bourbon, maple syrup, hot sauce, salt & pepper. Stir until thoroughly mixed. Return bacon to pan, cover, and cook for 1 hour over low heat, stirring occasionally. 

Pour mixture into a food processor while still hot. Pulse a few times until spreadable but chunky. Pour into a canning jar and refrigerate. As the jam cools, it will seal the jar. Bring to room temperature before using.

This is especially tasty on bagel chips with goat cheese. Or toast. Or sandwiches. Or virtually any other edible item.